HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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