I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want to make out with him forever
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
