Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
