Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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