Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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