FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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