I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
