oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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