i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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