ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
