Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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