Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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