Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
