I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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