i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
tell me about the eggs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
