I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
These tits shall not be calmed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
