Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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