So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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