You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
