You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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