I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
