I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
