I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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