..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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