You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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