Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
