Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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