I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
