I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
