Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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