I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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