how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
