At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
