what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
