Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
