I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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