Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
