either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
