the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
