I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
