Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
