My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
