I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel