they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
