one two three fourrrrnication!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
