I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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