i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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