i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm jealous of your bromance
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
