maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
