I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
