I'm eating all of the evidence.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
