a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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