I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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