both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
