a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
cat food counts as protein by the way
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
