Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
