we're blogging at a bar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
