I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
