i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
