Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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