I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
