guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
