Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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