he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
