WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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