Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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