It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
