So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
