I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
