i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
