my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
