Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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